On Nervous Breakdowns
I've been told that a nervous breakdown is the moment of realization when your internal identity collides and crashes with your external reality, or how you perceive yourself versus how others perceive you. These two identities do not coincide (sic?) and the result is a string of chemical reactions forcing your body into an uncontrollable emotional response as your ego adjusts to this new information.
This is what occured on Tuesday, 12 July 2005. I would like to blame it on the fact that I thought Tuesday was in actuality Wednesday, but I doubt it had much of an effect. What happened was that I simply had a bad call. I didn't handle the call exceptionally well, I'll admit that fact, but the aftermath is what set me off. Well, my boss is what set me off. He started in on me pushing me to place the caller on hold. He started pulling at me while I was on the call. He pulled on me after the call. My natural reaction to unfamilar touching is revulsion. My natural reaction is being pulled is to breakoff the arm that is pulling me. I overcame this reaction by burying this intense emotion deep down inside. The result of that was obviously my nervous breakdown.
I know the question that is burning on your minds....What are the conflicting realities? Well, I believed that I was a reasonably well likable figure with above average intelligence with the possibility of a great future. The burning reality is that I am a loser. I will be a answering these phones until the day they fire or outsource me. I have no real skills, therefore I am not a desirable candidate for any other postion in any other company.
With that said. I would urge my three readers to anxiously await three monthly segments coming to The Problem Coordinator. The first, which will debut on 1 August 2005, and will repeat on the first of each subsequent month, is "Why God Hates Me." On the second Wednesday of each month starting in August (and repeating) will be, which is sure to be a fan favorite, "I Can't Believe I Work With These People." Finally, on a recurring date to be determined is "Asshole Caller of the Month."
This is what occured on Tuesday, 12 July 2005. I would like to blame it on the fact that I thought Tuesday was in actuality Wednesday, but I doubt it had much of an effect. What happened was that I simply had a bad call. I didn't handle the call exceptionally well, I'll admit that fact, but the aftermath is what set me off. Well, my boss is what set me off. He started in on me pushing me to place the caller on hold. He started pulling at me while I was on the call. He pulled on me after the call. My natural reaction to unfamilar touching is revulsion. My natural reaction is being pulled is to breakoff the arm that is pulling me. I overcame this reaction by burying this intense emotion deep down inside. The result of that was obviously my nervous breakdown.
I know the question that is burning on your minds....What are the conflicting realities? Well, I believed that I was a reasonably well likable figure with above average intelligence with the possibility of a great future. The burning reality is that I am a loser. I will be a answering these phones until the day they fire or outsource me. I have no real skills, therefore I am not a desirable candidate for any other postion in any other company.
With that said. I would urge my three readers to anxiously await three monthly segments coming to The Problem Coordinator. The first, which will debut on 1 August 2005, and will repeat on the first of each subsequent month, is "Why God Hates Me." On the second Wednesday of each month starting in August (and repeating) will be, which is sure to be a fan favorite, "I Can't Believe I Work With These People." Finally, on a recurring date to be determined is "Asshole Caller of the Month."
posted by Matt lives in Northern New York at 21:24
5 Comments:
Hang in there Matt....
You gotta take it in stride man, stop feeling sorry for yourself!!Get another job..quit that one, lifes too short for the bullshit, and don't let the little stuff bother you so much,things can be much worse, you could be completly alone, no money, no food, and a bad rash you can't get rid of....
I'm not feeling sorry for myself. I'm accepting my fate. There is a difference.
And Dan, how did you know about that rash?
Anonymous up there has no idea what his words mean. S/he has no idea how addicting it is to live a life of what he calls "bullshit." It's like heroin. Everyone who uses the drug realizes the damage but they can't stop. It feels good. Even though the nervous scratching that occurs in new users would seem, to those outside the drug, to be enough of a turn off to discourage a second fix, it is not. In fact, some have even told me that the scratching feels good.
OK, all this is to say, sometimes destroying yourself feels good.
It's a free country and you have the right to pursue happiness.
Mersault said: Well I can solve your problem. As adults we can sometmes repress painful memories from the past and at least conciously forget they ever happened. What you have to learn to do is to repress your external reality so much so that only your internal reality remains. You will continue to function in the external world but your mind will reside in the internal world. The two worlds will be seperate.
I am not sure how one goes about doing this, my advice is too drink heavily and take narcotics. This will also have the added benefit of getting you fired and thus solving your problem.
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